This was a busy weekend. On Saturday our Rotary club helped the Mesquite STEAM Center by hosting a fundraising bowling tournament at the Virgin River Casino. It was fun doing this, Several of my friends participated in the tournament. Which I greatly appreciated. I had bought a bunch of raffle tickets and was lucky to win a couple of the prizes, I was hoping to win some of the golf prizes but I did not. I think Jennifer would have looked forward to participating in this

The Artemis space mission was fascinating to me. The guts those astronauts have is pretty amazing, but the payoff of the views and experiences has to be exhilarating. I read a article where one of the crew talked about how she looked around her home before the launch and how she loved her humble little life and how during the flight she missed it. She said "I know a morning cup of coffee on the porch with your best friend is a simple and universally small thing. But it is a

This month marks four years that we moved to Mesquite. April was a month that we had a number of significant milestones in our lives. Of course Jennifer had her Birthday every year, but we also started our careers with Marathon in April 1991 in Louisiana. The last April milestone was finally procuring our home here and getting our stuff shipped up here. August was another month we had significant milestones. So the “A” months were always interesting. In some ways it seem

Today would have been Jennifer’s 59th Birthday. I still have a very hard time wrapping my head around the fact that she is no longer here with me. I never imagined the pain I would feel without her. The pain is both emotional, as well as physical. You just take for granted that your spouse will be with you and you really don’t dwell on who might go first, or at least I did not. Last night was a rough night, I dreamt about her all night. The dreams, as near as I can remem

I had a nice Easter. I went to Vegas and spent it with the Benner’s and O’Connors. The Benner’s minus Bode went to a performance of “The Notebook” at the Smith Center and Bode and I went to the golf driving range and hit some balls and putted. We had a good time. I know this is weird, but, on the trip going and coming I could feel/sense Jennifer in the car with me and could hear her voice in my head on both the rides. She would have so enjoyed the day. It was a beautiful

The past couple of weeks I have had some pretty strong flashbacks to the day that Jennifer passed and also episodes of survivors guilt. There is no rhyme or reason when these what I will call “flashback episodes” occur. I had one in the shower yesterday that was particularly strong and it did cause me to get a little shooked and teared up. I see her face and especially her eyes and how they were vacant and had the life had drained from them as I was doing CPR on her. I kno

These last few weeks there has been activities that Jennifer would have really enjoyed. Our Bocce Club had a tournament and I think she would have enjoyed playing in it. These types of events were normally not her thing. I have mentioned before that “team sports” were not her thing. She was more a individualist, but for whatever reason she did like playing Bocce. She had her unique way of measuring who was closest. She would use her feet, instead of getting the measurin

Evenings are tough. That is when I really really miss Jennifer. Sometimes I think my grieving is just starting. It is just really sinking in that she is not here and is not going to be here. That is when it really hits me hard. Evenings are when it seems to hit the hardest and I sometimes have a hell of a time getting that off my mind. Tonight is one of those nights, I have been missing her all day and tonight is really bad. I have been busy all day doing various things

There is the old saying that opinions are like assholes, everyone has one! Last week was the State of the Union address. I will be honest I could not watch it. I just could not listen to the Orange Clown Drabble on for almost two hours. I did pull up the People’s State of the Union that was on YouTube, but will be honest I got disinterested in that as well and turned it off. Like the title of this blog post. I do have opinions on pretty much anything, if you ask me. No

This last week has been a up and down emotional week. Of course it was Valentine’s Day. I believe I have mentioned before that it was not a big holiday for us but I sure miss her when it rolls around. I was fortunate in that she was just as happy to go to a fast food restaurant as opposed to some high dollar fancy schmancy joint. However, I really do miss going with her to those places. However, one thing I really miss, is having her here to help me solve those gaps in his

Harry Truman had the infamous sign on his desk that the buck stops here. Well I guess that no longer applies to the Presidency. Trump post about the O’Bama’s was disgusting and the fact that they are saying some staffer posted it is such BS. The SOB is a racist no matter how you cut it. Yesterday I was driving down to Las Vegas and had the radio on the comedy channel and there was a comic on that asked the question that was doing a bit about being in trouble and he asked t

This week was the Balloon Festival here in Mesquite. The Casa Blanca Casino host the event. The year we were here Jim and Elaine came up and we attended the event. It was a pretty cold January that year, but we had fun watching the balloons take off and we went at night to watch the glow. After Jennifer passed I started helping with crew balloons. What this entails is being a person that helps get the balloon ready to inflate, helping the pilot inflate it, helping them l

Well tonight I am watching the College National Championship game between Miami and Indiana. I am pulling for Indiana. It is weird but I can almost feel Jennifer her with me. Most of the playoff games before this Championship were pretty good games. The exception was Indiana against Oregon. That was a good old fashioned beating. The pro’s have also had some good games. I was saddened to see Chicago’s magical season come to a end. Especially for my good friend CD Holter

As this world we live in spirals down the toilet, I miss Jennifer more and more. I miss having her with me for so many reason’s. I miss having her ear to bend about politics and world happenings. While I do fortunately have friends that aling with my beliefs, and that I can commiserate with about all of the shit happening in the world. It is not the same as what I had with her. I miss that so very much. The world continues to get crazier and crazier. Sadly I am fearful

Since getting back from home, I have been working on getting back into my routine. This week I watched the National Championship FCS football game between Montana State and Illinois State. It was a very entertaining game with one of the craziest endings I have ever viewed. I will be honest, I thought MSU had screwed the pooch a couple of times in the second half of the game. If Jennifer had been here viewing the game she would have gone crazy. She would not have been able

Last night I started down the road of three years without Jennifer by my side. I really wish I could say it is easier, but it is not. I still miss her so very much. As I rang in the new year last night, I had to laugh. This was for several reasons. The first reason was that I actually made it to midnight. In the last years of our marriage we hardly ever stayed up until midnight. However, in San Antonio we always knew when it was midnight because our neighbor hood turned

I guess it is probably normal to reflect back on life experiences during the holiday season. I certainly have been doing that the past several days. Today was my first chance to go into town and get to the cemetery to visit Jennifer’s and my grave site. Today I got pretty choked up. Like I have said before I don’t spend a lot of time when I go, but visiting her does provide me a weird sense of comfort. I pretty much tell her hey and tell her how much I miss her and today

Today I took my Dad to town to visit a old family friend Dan “ONO” Harrington. Dan is currently in a memory care facility. This is extremely sad. Dan was a very good friend to our family. We have a lot of history. Lots of good times were spent with Dan over the years. It is extremely sad to watch such a dynamic guy deteriorating like he is. Dan’s family is a old friend of my family. It all started with my grand parents. My grandpa became friends with Dan’s Dad Dan Sr

The last few days have unlocked a flood of memories. Tuesday I flew up to Butte for the holiday. As I was packing I had several memories of various trips that Jennifer and I had taken and some of the mishaps we had. Like the time we were going on our first cruise and had left our passports at the house and did not realize it until we got to the airport. Thank God for our friends the Searle’s for bailing us out on that one. Or the time we got stranded in Minneapolis and I

It has been a while since I have taken some time to write. I have been going to do it and then something comes up that needs my attention and I have not done it. It has been a very active couple of months with lots of activities/events. Some of these activities/events have been tougher than others. I so miss not having her with me at these events. Thinking about my life, I have come to realize that I have sadly taken so many things for granted and have not realized how ble