It Just Does Not Get Any Easier!

Three years since her passing is quickly approaching and it just is not get any easier not having her here with me. I still come home from places and expect her to be at the house. I still get that sinking feeling when I realize that she is not and never will be.

I still struggle with a fair bit of survivor guilt. We had worked hard to get to this point and it just is not fair that she is not here to enjoy the fruit of her labors. I know that she would be extremely pissed about that and it pisses me off as well.

Last night I had some vivid dreams with her in them and actually woke up with a start at 3:30 am. I actually had to get up out of bed and get a drink of water and calm myself down. I don’t really remember what the dream was, but I jolted awake. It actually was a good thing, because I remembered I had forgotten to plug in my golf cart to charge the battery after Bocce last night so I could take it to Pickleball this morning at 9:00 am. In a rare event for me, I did get back in bed after I had done that. I read for a few minutes and thankfully fell back asleep for a couple of more hours.

My social life is going to be busy this week. I have a dinner party tonight and another one tomorrow night for Cinco de Mayo, then Rotary on Wednesday night and then I am hosting a Rotary Club Membership subcommittee meeting at my house on Thursday night. It is nice to have these to keep me busy, but are also tough because these are things she would have enjoyed doing.

I have been getting some golf in, but won’t be able to get much in this week. I have also been getting all my doctoring done before I head to Montana. Thankfully everything has been checking out OK. While I miss Jennifer more than I can ever express, I am not ready to join her just yet.

Keeping my fingers crossed that my friend Lorie’s knee surgery this week goes smooth. Thankfully my sister in-law Jeanne’s procedure to have a pacemaker put in went smooth and my brother in-law Chad is recovering nicely from his foot surgery.

I also just realized today is Star Wars Day. So May the 4th be with you. Hope everyone is having a good day.