Happy Birthday Dear!

Today would have been Jennifer’s 59th Birthday. I still have a very hard time wrapping my head around the fact that she is no longer here with me. I never imagined the pain I would feel without her. The pain is both emotional, as well as physical. You just take for granted that your spouse will be with you and you really don’t dwell on who might go first, or at least I did not.

Last night was a rough night, I dreamt about her all night. The dreams, as near as I can remember, were all good. I could hear her voice and laugh and I did enjoy that, but at the same time it was painful because that is the only way that I will hear/see her. For some reason I woke up with a start at 2:00 am. I think my refrigerator ice machine had dumped a load of ice and that noise woke me. This is unusual, I am usually a very deep sleeper and could probably sleep through a nuclear blast.

Anyway, I thought some one was knocking on my door. I got out of bed and patrolled the house and figured out the source of the noise that woke me up. Usually, once I am up I am up. Last night I was thankfully able to go back to sleep, mainly because I was wiped.

I had a busy day yesterday and spent a good amount of time in the sun. I played Bocce in the morning and then went home and decided to go golfing. I found a tee time at the Palms course.

I had round that I really needed and enjoyed. I was a single playing by myself and there was no one behind me for at least a hour. So, I was hitting 3-4 balls per hole. I was able to just practice on getting the distances I was hitting my new clubs and also practice shots that I really need practice on. I never kept score and I rarely putted. I just focused on hitting my clubs. I had brought my music. It was a beautiful day with just a little breeze. So it was heaven on earth (as far as I was concerned)!

Now don’t get me wrong, the Palms course is not in good shape. The front 9 in particular is a goat pasture, and that description is being gracious and may give goat pastures a bad name. However, for me it served the need, I was playing golf and just flat out enjoying myself. I just so wish Jennifer was with me. I think she would have enjoyed playing since no one was around.

Then I came home grabbed a quick bite to eat and then went and played some Pickleball. I came home and my poor golf cart had not had a bath for a while. So I decided to give it a quick wash. It was dark so I will have to check it out this morning to see how I did, but it is better than it was and I can redo it if needed.

So needless to say I was pretty wiped when my head hit the pillow and I was out like a light. I tried to read but don’t think I even got a full sentence in before I crashed. Thank god for Kindles, it makes falling asleep while reading easier.

One thing I do know is Jennifer would be very pissed about missing this birthday. In 6 months she would have been 59 1/2 and would have been able to touch her 401k money without a penalty. We often talked about reaching that magical age, sadly she did not get to reach it. Hopefully I will, but as I have learned there are no guarantees. In the big scheme of things it is no longer important but it was a milestone we were looking forward to.

Well I better get doing something more productive. I have knocked a few household chores off this morning, but better get a few more done, before I get too busy. Have cornhole this afternoon and then will be attending the Sun City Sounds (local choir) fundraising concert and then my weekly Rotary meeting followed by playing/teaching my fellow Rotarians Pickleball.