Make the Dam Chili

One of the things that hurts the most about Jennifer's passing and is what I will call "unfair" is that we as a couple had worked hard to get to the point in our life where we could sit back and "smell the roses". I feel in a way like we were robbed of everything we had worked hard for.

We did not live extravagantly, we were both good savers and we retired young so that for the most part we could physically get out and smell those roses. We were thinking/talking about trips we were going to take. She had a couple of places she really wanted to see (Big Sur, Mackinaw Island). For me it is Bend, Oregon to play golf at Bandon Dunes.

When she knew her condition was terminal, this is what hurt her the most mentally.

We certainly could have lived much more extravagant than we did, but that is just not who we were. We did not need to "Keep up with the Jones's". The one thing Jennifer and I never argued about was money issues. We sure as hell argued about a lot of things, but saving/spending money was not one of them. We might argue about buying, selling or keeping certain stocks, but we never argued about how we saved or spent our money.

While we are certainly no Rockerfeller's or for you younger folks Bezo's we were positioned well to be able to financially enjoy our retired years. We had weathered some of the financial storms (2008) Ok (thanks to help/guidance from good financial planners). We moved to a location that provided us access to activities that we liked and was close enough to get back to Montana and family relatively quickly and were not in an area that got snow. So essentially we felt we had the tiger by its tail and we were just starting to get to stick our noses into the rose bushes. Then the unexpected/unthinkable happened.

This morning my sister Cindy shared a post on her Facebook page that really hit me especially after writing the above. The post was about two guys golfing and the one guy asks the other guy what his dinner plans were. The man said his wife was wanting homemade chili and cornbread for dinner but that he did not feel like going to the store to buy the stuff to make the chili. Now the guy that asked what his dinner plans had lost his wife unexpectedly a few months before. The post said they golfed quietly for a few more holes when the guy who asked the question quietly said "make the chili". Now the post said the guy realized that they were no longer talking about dinner. It was about going out of your way to do something nice for someone you care about because at any moment they can unexpectedly taken away from you.

Well if that does not hit you between the eyes then you are not living like you should.

This afternoon I had the pleasure to share a few moments with Dick Keener. I have mentioned Dick and his wife Miriam in previous posts. He shared some of his grief story with me and I can't tell you how much I appreciated that. The discussion is for just me and Dick, but let me tell you it helped me a bunch.

I am not afraid to share my and Jennifer's story and will cherish the opportunities when I can tell it, but I also know that most people really don't want to hear about it. I respect that as well.

At the beginning of this I said I felt we were robbed and damn it we were. However on the other side of that coin we got the time to live a good life and love each other unconditionally and we got to say our goodbyes. Many folks don't get that opportunity.

So "make the chilil in your lives you will live much more peacefully.