Valentines

I hope everyone had a Happy Valentines Day. I worked a water station on the City of Mesquite Heart Walk for our Rotary Club. Unfortunately attendance was pretty light. I think a big part of that was the weather. It was a cool, threatening to rain kind of day. Fortunately it did not rain until after the walk. We handed out water and cutie oranges, but did not have many takers.

This was my second Valentine’s Day without Jennifer. Valentines was never a big holiday for us. As I have mentioned before Jennifer and I were never really into “fine” dining. So we rarely ever went out for “fancy” dinner. Now when I say fancy, that might be say Olive Garden or Chili’s. We were both just as happy to go to dinner at a Whataburger, McDonalds, etc. We would get each other a card and maybe some candy and/or some little trinket and call it good. I usually would get her some black licorice.

I miss her everyday and yesterday was no different. It was just another day for me. It is really hard to put into words how much I miss her everyday. She is in my mind pretty much all of the time. Certainly some things or activities will trigger strong memories or stories, but I was already thinking about her if before that memory occurs.

As I tell people it is all very surreal and the strength (for the lack of a better word) of the memories can differ. Sometimes it is like she is literally right there with me or it may be like she is here but in another room. Very weird and hard to explain.

Sometimes the memories hurt and sometimes they make me happy and/or smile or chuckle. Grief is certainly a strange bedfellow. Like I have said before. I often hope I am just having a bad nightmare and I am going to wake up and everything will be back to “normal”. Sometimes I wonder if these memories ever even happened. Maybe I was having a good dream and woke up to the nightmare. It is just weird.

Well enough for today.