Today Would Have Been 36 years

Today is our wedding anniversary, it would have been 36 years. Jennifer passed just four days short of our 34th anniversary.

I have already written about our wedding or the Grand Finale (as my father-in-law Mick called it). It was a very fun and large event. Both of us had lots of family and friends who had come in for the wedding.

So many of those folks have since passed away, but the memories of them live on.

It some ways it seems just like yesterday and in other ways it feels every bit of the 36 years.

Sometimes I ask myself if all of my time with her actually happened or did I just dream it. Thankfully I have a lot of witnesses (both family and friends) who have confirmed it did indeed happen.

I greatly appreciate all the folks who reached out on the anniversary of her death. I really do appreciate all of the love even if I don’t always necessarily show it.

This summer I have had my fair share of survivors guilt (which I have also written about). This past week was certainly one of them. She would have so enjoyed seeing everyone and watching the kids dance.

Again I took so many things of our 34 years of marriage for granted. I never imagined that I would be reaching these milestones without her. However, that being said I am still very thankful that her illness was short and that she did not go through any more pain and suffering than she did. I would give anything to have her back healthy but would never want her back to suffer more. As I often tell people there are so many things that are worse than death.

I strive to not take things for granted and try to appreciate the things I have. I was blessed to have her with me for those 34 years and I still have her in my heart and mind as I remember these last 2 years that she has physically been gone.

I know a lot of people are concerned that I am to young to be alone, but I am perfectly content with that. It is not ideal by any means, but I just don’t see myself ever entering into another relationship. However, I won’t say never, but certainly don’t see it in the cards at this time.