Flashbacks

The human brain and mind is a funny thing. It is interesting how certain things (sounds, smells, tastes, etc) can trigger memories. Some decades old. Some good, some bad. It is also interesting how the mind/brain takes little snapshots that get stored in the old data bank waiting for some future event to trigger it.

For example when we first moved to San Antonio, I was helping get the operations there up and running. We were remodeling a old building in Pleasanton, TX into a field office building. Pleasanton was about a hour south of San Antonio. So I would leave the house around 5:00 am and drive down to Pleasanton. During that time I saw some beautiful sun rises and some of those got stored in my brain data bank. Yesterday, the sunrise here triggered the release of some of those memories of driving down to Pleasanton.

This morning there was a cute piece posted on Facebook. It was some international commercial from somewhere in Asia (probably India). It was a guy hauling a gorilla in a cage in a truck. The truck broke down. So the guy let’s the gorilla out of the cage to push the truck. So the gorilla is huffing and puffing and pushing with all his might and the truck is not moving. The gorilla then walks up to the cab of the truck and looks in the window at the driver and then looks at the parking brake which is on. The driver shrugs his shoulders and releases the brake and then looks at gorilla who goes back and pushes the truck and it takes off. The commercial had several other pieces to it, but the pushing one really triggered the old memory banks.

This made me laugh and brought back the memory of our honeymoon and me trying to push the old ford Fairmont across the Super 8 parking lot and hearing that parking brake getting released and practically falling on my face as the car began to roll. So that one made me laugh and cry at the same time.

I have watched a few shows that have scenes of people passing away in them. These scenes will often trigger the memory of Jennifer’s passing and will kind of take my breath away and choke me up and I get flashbacks that I wish would not occur, as they are ones that I would not wish on my worst enemy.

I know I have a little PTSD from that day and I can deal with that, but I really hate those flashbacks. The pain they cause seems to get more painful instead of less painful with time. I know I will have these until I take my final breath, so I just need to accept that. One of my crosses to carry.

Well enough for today. I need to get moving and get out of this weird funk I am having today.