2 Years

It is really hard to accept that Jennifer departed us two years ago. Today is the anniversary of her passing. I know she is gone but I still feel her presence daily. It is really hard to explain. I have heard her voice and laugh in my head so many times this summer. I constantly think about things I want to tell her.

Jim, Elaine and I have been playing the Par 3 course at the Highland View golf course and I have had a lot of memories triggered while doing that and I can hear her laughing and cursing while we play. I just wish we would have had the opportunity for all four of us to play a few rounds together. She would have really enjoyed that.

On Monday, Jeanne and Rob celebrated their 41st wedding anniversary. Their wedding date is always easy to remember 8-4-84. Jennifer and I had not started dating yet when they got married so I did not get to attend their wedding. However there is a photo of Jennifer sleeping in her bridesmaid dress at their wedding reception. The reception was at Jennifer’s Aunt Helen’s house and she was crashed out on the patio. So it must have been a nice warm August day.

I believe (I may be wrong on this) but I think Jennifer had attended a cheerleading camp in Spokane just prior to the wedding so she was probably pretty tired from that. However, she could sleep pretty much anywhere.

I don’t know if there was a hot poker game that was going to happen since there is a tray of poker chips and cards on the table next to her. I will say she did not particularly care for this photo and would harp on me for sharing it, but oh well. I like hearing a “God Damn It Joe” once in a while.

I still have a few flashbacks to that day two years ago and know I always will. It still hurts as much today as it did 2 years ago. I know it is just the cards I have been delt, so I am just going to have to continue to deal with it. I still have a fair bit of survivors guilt, especially when I do things that I know she would have so enjoyed doing.

Yesterday, Jim and Elaine, Rob and Jeanne and I went to lunch. It was a big day for Jeanne as she has transitioned from a small Walker type device back to a cane to help her walk. Jennifer was the one that found the small Walker and it has been a big help in providing support for Jeanne, but the cane is easier for her to handle. So that is great and is a big win for Jeanne’s attitude. Jennifer would have so enjoyed that lunch and seeing Jeanne progressing.

One of the weirdest thing is when I spend money on-line, I always think I need to talk to Jennifer first. Prior to her passing, she always did pretty much all of the internet purchasing. So if I found something I wanted I would go to her and she we do all the purchasing. It was not like I needed her permission, but she handled all the purchasing. This summer I have done a fair bit of online purchasing (I like to do that while I am here in Montana because I can save a little money, because of no sales taxes). So I always have a conversation (in my head) with her as I go through the purchasing process.

Last night I did not sleep all that well, I was thinking a lot about Jennifer and how much I miss her. Dad and I had gone to his Rotary Club’s annual steak fry. The event was held up here in Elk Park at a Forest Service recreation area that has a couple of nice Pavilions for events like these. It was a very cool evening. We had a cool front come in yesterday and it felt more like October then August. Fortunately we got the event pretty much in before the rain came, but when it came it really rained hard. Fortunately our timing was really good. I got Dad in the van and we started for home just as the heavy stuff hit.

Colleen and Mom were supposed to go with us, but Colleen had made the decision to go camping one last time before she has to go back to school and Mom had some Dental work done yesterday and she was in no position to eat steak, plus it was cold. So it ended up being just Dad and I.

Anyway it was a nice evening and Dad enjoyed it so that was good.

Well enough sulking and feeeling sorry for myself. I better get up and get moving. Dad has a follow-up check in on his first cataract surgery, so I will be taking him for that. Then I hope to get home and get back in to town to watch my great niece and nephew (Lydia and Teddy) dance in the An Ri Ra Irish festival that kicks off today. Lydia and Teddy are both in a Irish dance company that performs at the annual festival. It is amazing how much Lydia looks like Jennifer at this point in her life. She is going to be a freshman in high school this year.